Kiely Gets His Shots

“Kiely, that’s a massive bone you have”, said Mayor Jim.

“Thanks. Boss.  I’m very proud of me bone.”

“And so you should be, Kiely.  You’re a great Deputy Mayor, but would you ever let go of that bone?  And stop humpin me fukken leg.”

“Tis a postman, Boss.  A postman!”

“Here, Kiely.  Have a chip and put down that postman.   Tis from Donkeys”.

The deputy mayor sprang into the air, snapping the piece of fried potato from the night sky.  “Jayses Boss, that was lovely.”

“Come here, Kiely,” said Mayor Jim.  “I have something to tell you.”

“Is it a new junket?  Is it?  Is it?  Is it?  I can haz junketz?”

“No, Kiely.  It isn’t a junket.  I has to take you to the vet.”

“Why is that, Boss?”

“You has to get your shots for Chineeland.”

“Right, Boss. Grand.”

“We can’t have you gettin the Ray Bees.”

“No fukken way Boss.”

“An you has to stay on the Mayoral Chains.”

“Why is that, Boss?”

“Because we doesn’t want the Chineeman turnin you into Chin Won Winky soup.”

“Oh Jesus no.”

“No.  We doesn’t want the Chineeman poisonin everyone with soup made out of you.”

“Ahaaarrrr!!!” snarled Deputy Mayor Kiely as he snapped a passing songbird out of the air, crunching it in his powerful jaws.

“Lissen”, continued Mayor Jim.  “There’s another thing.”

“What’s that?” said Kiely, spitting out feathers.

“We can’t have you riding the local mutts neither.”

“No Boss.  I never done that.  I can haz pintz?”

“In a minute, Kiely.  Here’s the deal.  If you want to go to Chineeland, say goodbye to the bollix.”

“What? ”

“You can stay behind in Limerick and hold onto the bollix, or you can go to Chineeland and the mebbs is history.  Gone.  The end.  No more Kiely co-honays.  Dobbers down the fukken drain.”

“Me bollix gone?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I folly a stick? Can I Can I? Can I? Can I?”